NICKNAMES

my nickname is Bulging Bruno...

What is in a nickname? I’m not very sure how this practice of giving people nicknames came about. Perhaps it’s a generation from generation kind of pass me down traditions? I’m not sure. But one things for sure, I have been tagged with many nicknames before. Some nice, some well, let’s just say, its best to imagine it in your mind. To me, I really do not care what kind of nicknames is given to me, its part of our lives to go through all this, right?

As I was having a sudden nostalgia attack, my thoughts sailed me back to my school days. I guess school days are fun as we had a chance to encounter so many events in our lives, be it sad, happy or just plain boring…you name it, its all mixed up there like our Malaysian salad – Rojak!

To my best ability, I will list some names here so that in time, I can remember them when I read back what I have penned in here. The list goes like this: -

1. Primary 6 English Teacher – Mrs. J.D. Olivero (pronounced as “OH LIEW” in Cantonese means urinate)
2. Primary school Principal – Mr. Ang Chiu Pek (Botak Ang)
3. Secondary One English Teacher – Mrs Lee aka Tiger Lee (no need to explain why Tiger is used)
4. Secondary One Maths Teacher – Mrs. Loong aka Dragon Loong (again no need to explain that name)
5. Secondary One Accounts Teacher – Mrs. Koh aka Bull Dog (she really looked like one)
6. Secondary One / Two Science Teacher – Mrs Pillai aka Siamese Mangoes (because her breast was shaped like one) At that time, we usually had our science period in the labs and the boys love to sit in-front just to catch a glimpse of her breast when she bends down to look into her notes; she is also very “gatal”, always wearing some sort of low V cut blouses but I must say amongst all of the teachers, she was the one well dressed.
7. Secondary Two Maths Teacher – Mrs. Nawab aka “NOM BOAR, NOM BOAR” (that is how she pronounced the malay word numbers and she loved to stress the “R” very distinctively!)
8. Secondary Three Arts & Geography Teacher – Mrs. Mariko Tan (Jap + Chinese parentage), also taught Japanese language aka Horny Auntie; she loved to talk about sex to us and since ours was a all boys’ school, it was easy for her to tell us stories about condoms and also about having sex with prostitutes. From this, I’ve always had this thinking that all Japanese people are very sexual charged people, who does not have any inhibitions to talk about it.
9. Secondary Four Maths Teacher –Ms. Mah aka Transvestite as she really looked like one. She was tall and had broad shoulders and best of all, she had hair on her legs and she I believed, never practiced shaving them.
10. Secondary Four / Five Add. Maths Teacher & Form Teacher – Mrs. Wee aka Bugs Bunny. She has this rabbit’s tooth that protrudes out in front. (Wonders how her husband feels when she decides to give a blowjob to him?)
11. Secondary Four-Chemistry Teacher – Mrs. Maria Chin aka Fat Ass (she really did have a very big behind, one can recognize her from afar).
12. Secondary Four / Five Physics Teacher – Mrs. Juliet Tan aka grizzly bear (nope, she did not look big like one but her hair was always fizzy and thus we christened her with that grizzly name)
13. Secondary Four / Five BM Teacher – Mrs. Fatimah aka Spunky Mama (she was short but had this spunky attitude). She was one of the teachers we could bully by demanding not to have so many homework.
14. Secondary Four / Five Geography Teacher – Mrs. Goh aka Crazy Bitch. She was our school’s discipline teacher too and she was so crazy that, she used to walk around carrying a pair of scissors and if she sees any guy’s whose hair was longer that the length allowed, she would creep up very quietly from behind and snip them off even if the class was in session.
These are just some of the nicknames I can remember. I believe that there were many but due to the age factor, I have already forgotten them.

Digressing a bit from what I’m talking here, my school had many stories too. Like the toilet downstairs, which actually has shower stalls, are permanently sealed off with big pad locks. Story goes that one our senior batch committed suicide in one of the stalls. As such, the school decided to seal off that part of the showering facility in our school because rumors has it that there can be heard cries and laughter after 7 pm every evening.

Those days, our “jaga” or guard used to stay in the premises of the school too. His whole family will be cramped into this little dwelling and he used to scare us boys that such a thing did happen. When it came to patrolling, most of us (perfects) dreaded to guard that particular staircase (for evening shift) leading to the shower stalls. As school promptly ended at 6.30pm during my time, it will already get dark by the time the last student leaves and from my own experience, I had this feeling of cold whenever I stand near it. No need to feel that coldness around that time, there was once, around 2pm, I actually walked down to that staircase and reached the underground level, and suddenly, my surrounding turned very cold, like entering a cold room. I dashed out immediately.

Then there was the boy who jerked off during one of the replacement periods in class. The Muslim boys were having their test and the rest of the boys were placed in one of the classes during their revisions. The replacement teacher was sitting in front marking some papers and there was a group of boys who would like to gather in one corner of the class –usually at the back.

Among them was this intellectually challenged boy who was made to masturbate in class. I believe the story goes like this. They challenged him to do something for them, as they wanted to see and this boy, feeling obligated to show off, did just like what his peers told him. As you know when boys gather and excitement abounds, noise is definitely going to come out. When that happened, the teacher who had heard the hubbub looked up and walked over. Before anything could be wiped off, the evidence and the semi hard penis was hanging out from the boy’s pants. He was immediately taken to the Principal’s office. The next semester after our break, he was expelled from our school.

These and many more are what I had encountered in my school days. It was nevertheless fun, as I managed to soak in the process of what we call as growing up.

school days were fun...