So, I sit here trying to make sense of my painful experience which I'm feeling at the moment. I cannot fathom how excruciating it can be when I sit or even lie down....its really so painful until I have lost all hope of life.
You see, the pain I'm suffering from is piles or better known as Hemorrhoids...and I can tell you that its sucking off the life in me. I cannot walk properly, it affects my sitting too long and then there is always the case where I have sleep...the pain that is caused by a sudden vein pull will inflame more of my suffering.
As I write this, my mind really wants my body to give up what I have in life...go on to the next that is to sleep for all eternally...you see, the pain is such that my mind has come to this conclusion. Although, I really do not want to lose all hope and want to keep things positive, but looks like, sooner or later, I'm drifting to the darker end of my life...and that is to be negative.
I choose to believe that all bad things have an uncommon natural trend to follow up with something good...I always believed in that. That is the way how life moves on....bad n good goes hand in hand...I know I have suffered enough tragedies in my life, but now this is what you will call the "straw that will break the camel's back".
Lying in bed, looking up the ceiling, I look up and ask the good Lord, if He has intended to make me to be his best subject by giving me so many goodies in one year...and then I laugh at it, insisting that he please take it away. But, no answer comes from the above...so I guess the pain will follow, the thought of death will occur more often...and this comes to a point in life, when one suffers, he suffers alone, when one is rejoicing, he is surrounded with friends.
Realizing that friends will only be with you during good times, then when bad times comes...they dissipate like the fog...so how can one call them friends??
Nah, I will not put the blame on them...instead if I really do kick the bucket from this....please do attend my service, and at least decorate my coffin with white n red flowers (all flowers welcomed)...make my funeral parlor into a garden...
I'm not sure when I will be updating good news about myself, but if I do get an instant miraculous healing tonight...(my thoughts to St Jude, the patron saint of the hopeless)....I will make a pilgrimage there and then to better myself after this incident.
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3 comments:
hey there
I cannot imagine the pain you're suffering, but i think you're taking this wrong way. It's just piles, it's not some life threatening disease like cancer or AIDS. Imagine what those patients are going through.
I hope i don't sound too harsh.
Take care and I hope you get well soon *hugs*
Derek
Derek - you are right, I did bring myself to the point of seeing other's pain other than mine, but once you are engulfed with this excruciating sharp pain that does not allow you to sit, walk or even sleep properly, you began to wonder.
However, as u said its just piles, so I guess i have to live with it and with the medication along with it.
I certainly need more positive energy around me!
My dear, you will be defeated if you allow the pain to affect your mind.
What's this talk about taking your life and St Judes. The pain may be crazy, stay positive and I'm sure that will do more good than bad.
I'll call again tomorrow. And no, you are not getting white and red flowers on your coffin if you die because of piles! :P
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